2005
2006
it's been three years folks. if you started from the beginning post, numero uno, i would hope that you would have noticed a progression in writing, a growth i suppose. in many ways, this blog has been my life. i can't begin to imagine how much shit has been recorded here; all the milestones, turning points, fading memories that have been immortalized here. i am positive that i would have a good time going through all the posts in here with anybody who has been reading this blog forawhile.
a wise man once wrote "it's better to burn out, than to fade away". of course when neil young wrote that, he was referring to the dog-eat-dog world of the music industry. if only i had followed mr young's advice, i would not have let this blog dwindled into this sorry, messy disgusting state that it is in right now.
as such, i have decided to discontinue writing in this blog. theres so much i want to write here, but can't. i find myself carefully selecting my words, my thoughts whenever i type an entry here. most of the time, i just give up halfway through - hence the lack of updates. this is no justification for the slow dwindle in the quality of my writing that i have noticed. it is just simply the truth.
have i been planning this for awhile? not really. it has always been a lingering thought in my mind i guess. what prompted me to do so was that i just realized it has been three years. and in those three years, 'fragments of my psyche' has slowly turned into 'fragments of carefully selected bits of psyche'. the dishonesty and the disgustingly puerile crap that i have descended into writing vexes and frustrates me. is this what i really am? has the last year, which i believe has been the most turning point in my life as of yet, not reflect in my writing? do i want to continue to force myself to write like this as i near the end of my teenage years? i really want a fresh page to start my adulthood years. and i believe the first step to doing that is to end what my teenage years began.
you, reader, i love. but you, as the reader, ranges from anybody from my father to the random girl who tried to pass of my writing as her own by pasting quotes verbatim from here. i cannot go on writing like this; worrying about what i write; worrying about who i will insult by writing something; worrying about who might just read this blog and find out that i written shit about them and then blowing up (not literally, duh) at me. i will not go into the specifics, but i am proud and not very proud of what i have written in here. but what is written is written. i apologize sincerely if i ever insulted or annoyed you.
this blog hasn't done too bad. without being overly sentimental, i remember the time that a quote from this blog appeared in the Rice Bowl Journals front page. as a writer, this probably would be my biggest literatic achievement (aside from the random girl passing of my writing as her own incident; i truly believe imitation is the best form of flattery). i can't quite remember how i came up with the pseudonym jerm_the_germ, but i think it's best that i do not try and dig up forcefully burried memories. jerm_the_germ will cease to exist after the demise of this blog.
what next? i have other blogs. of which i have not been updating regularly. i have always had a commitment to this blog. this blog came first over the others. i guess it will no longer be this case. do not be insulted, i write to no one but to myself in those blogs. it's the only place where i can actually be free to write what i want. i would love to write by hand, but the constant fear of my writing being read prevents from doing so. perhaps one day, when i get a safe deposit box ...
you will read more from me at my fictionpress site which i plan to update sometime soon. that will be the main source to look out for i guess. to those silent readers i never knew, those who never had the guts to say anything - mail me please. it would be nice to know who you are and i will be able to thank you individually. and to those who always recieve notifications in your email about me updating this blog, i guess this is the last one! a legacy left from the older days of this blog no?
so this it. be it that you were father, friend or foe, you, my dear reader, i am grateful to have. you shared into my thoughts, my reasoning, my doubts, my fears, my psyche. for that i would like to thank you for the past three years. and before i finish, i would like to leave you with a parting quote from a good friend that was written on my shirt (oh i know. how 'high school') the day i left new york to come home for the summer;
"memories are the stories, both good and bad (not forgeting worse), that make up our present, and give us hope for the tomorrow."
thank you, and goodbye. it has been great. 303.
jerm_the_germ
