Tuesday, March 13, 2007
the first rejection out of two
-----Original Message-----
From: jnimmo@notes.cc.sunysb.edu [mailto:jnimmo@notes.cc.sunysb.edu]
Sent: Tue 3/13/2007 12:30 PM
Subject: Howard Hughes Medical Institute fellowship
Thank you for your application for a Howard Hughes Medical Institute
Undergraduate Summer Research Award. There were many fine candidates for
our panel of research scientists to evaluate and the choices were
difficult.
While your research plans have much merit and may lead you in new
directions, I regret to inform you that you were not among the small number
selected.
Again, thank you for your application and please feel free to contact
me in the future.
Sincerely,
David Bynum, Ph.D.
Professor, Biochemistry & Cell Biology
Director, HHMI Undergraduate Biology Program
***
i feel like crying but the tears won't wash away all these self-doubting thoughts.
so i won't.
i don't care anymore.
Posted at 09:05 pm by jerm_the_germ
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i should write this while this resonates in my head still. i need to put this down before i can lose more sleep trying to keep these thoughts in my head alive. even as i type this now, i'm losing rapidly what i have thought about over the last 24 hours. i haven't written in awhile, so bear with my unbearingly disgusting prose.
i watched american history x almost 24 hours ago. after finishing it, i went to bed. of course i couldn't sleep. i tossed and turned for a legit hour, before giving into mental exhaustion. racism is obviously the recurring theme in this picture. ex-white supremacist vinyard seeks to cast aside his old ways, after serving a sentence in the joint which proved to change his life. i'll admit - it's a good and powerful film, however not perfect. it had its flaws; incomplete characterizations, incomplete explanations, a hurried pacing which didn't fly in some scenes etc. what i want to talk about, however, is a question which was asked in the film. after being raped, sweeney visits vinyard in the prison hospital. emotionally wrecked after this traumatic event, sweeney proceeds to unleash a flood of superfluous moral/philosophical crap on vinyard before asking him a very important question that resounded in my head throughout the next 24 hours.
'has anything you've done made your life better?'
the answer, of course, was no. his racists actions, supremacist rhetoric were all nothing but a manifestation of his hatred for blacks. hatred clouds judgement. he decided to hate everyone except white people due to hatred.
real hatred is powerful. you lose reason, judgement because of it. it is fueled by emotion. why do i say this? because of the quote. how can hatred make one's life better? pure hatred is so evil and malicious, it governs your reason. you make decisions on what you feel, rather than what is logical. vinyard felt that the blacks, latinos etc. were stealing their jobs - therefore he attacked the grocery store. he said that all black people seem to have a racial commitment to crime because 1 out of 3 black men in america were serving some form of time. he has a point. however, if he had simply put some reason into his arguments, he may have seen what it was like on the 'other side'. thus, he came out of prison a different man.
i ask this whenever someone talks about hatred in some form (racism, misogyny, androgyny etc.). the simple truth is that nothing positive ever comes out of hatred. this should be enough to deter people from hating. it blinds. it clouds. i'm not preaching. i just want you to ask yourself this question if you ever find yourself blinded by hatred -
will life be any better by hating?
ps. i will type a more proper piece when i'm not so sleepy.
Posted at 01:51 am by jerm_the_germ
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Sunday, February 18, 2007
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Week - Entry #7 - The last one
Clementine:
This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel:
I know.
Clementine:
What do we do?
Joel:
Enjoy it
Posted at 10:35 am by jerm_the_germ
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Saturday, February 17, 2007
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Week - Entry #6
"Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own piece of mind; don't assign me yours."
Posted at 01:47 pm by jerm_the_germ
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Friday, February 16, 2007
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Week - Entry #5
"If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don't know."
Posted at 01:45 pm by jerm_the_germ
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Thursday, February 15, 2007
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Week - Entry #4
"What if? Do you really care right now?!"
Posted at 11:50 am by jerm_the_germ
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Week - Entry #3
"Random thoughts for Valentine's day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap."
Posted at 12:42 am by jerm_the_germ
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Week - Entry #2
"Sand is overrated. It's just tiny little rocks."
Posted at 08:22 pm by jerm_the_germ
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Monday, February 12, 2007
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Week - Entry #1
"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?"
Posted at 09:49 am by jerm_the_germ
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Sunday, February 04, 2007
i only closed my eyes because i did not want to see you cry.
it's not that i meant to hurt you.
i never really meant what i said;
you know i kid.
but i guess you didn't.
i am really not an asshole.
but i'm just happy that you are still talking to me.
i don't talk to you anymore.
and i'm happy.
Posted at 06:36 pm by jerm_the_germ
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